What's wrong with me?

Patient: "I don't know what's wrong with me, my nose runs and my feet smell.

Doctor: "You're upside down."

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No one loves me.

You are not responsible for their bad taste!

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I'm

Worthless!

People tell me my pet rock is worthless...but I think it has sedimental value.

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I hate my life.

I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is

urined.

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I want to hurt myself.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind.

It's tearable.

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I'm disgusted with myself.

People who cheat on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.

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I wish I could...

I wish I could make jokes

about socialism.

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Everyone would get it!

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I'm at the end of my rope.

You thought this joke would be funny? 

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I'm a frayed knot.

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I feel useless.

If you feel worthless, just remember there is a guy at a BMW factory, installing blinker lights.

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I'm drowning

I'm just so overwhelmed

with the difficulty of

writing my own book...

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there are no words.

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They'd be better off without me.

I quit the 100m dash

yesterday.

I think I'm better off in

the long run.

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I'm a failure.

The doctor told me I have kidney failure. I asked, 'how can that be? I'm an

adult. I have adult knees.

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I'm not as good as...

I recently bumped into

the guy that sold me an

antique globe.

It's a small world. 

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I'm the only one that doesn't have it together

I don't know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported

me to the police.

All I asked was, "How much

for one night stand?"

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Other

Problems

What do you call

someone with no body

and no nose?

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Nobody Nose.

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