Some say, in order to heal let the past go. I say in order to heal, you have to open up that wound, stare it in the face and allow it to hurt. You don't have to necessarily forgive the person that bestowed the hurt upon you, until you’re ready, unless the person that caused the pain is you. In that instance, forgive yourself urgently. Forgiveness is for you!
One of the hardest things in life for me to do; is allow myself to be vulnerable; opening myself up for others to dissect; so because I have the courage to write this article, I am very proud! The person that I am struggling to forgive is me, Christa Jean Byles Matthews.
Forgiving myself for my past choices, past mistakes and the measure in which , I feel that I have failed myself. Many times, I have allowed myself to be treated less than I deserve, because of self esteem issues, hating the person that GOD has made me to be, inside and out. In many instances; I have sought love from places that should not have been considered, but because I felt empty and needed something to fill me up, so to speak, I went along with things that I should not have. I accepted care and love from a thorn ,when in fact, love should be as soft as cotton and I continue to struggle with that notion, daily.
Evaluate and forgive the person that you once were; if you were in fact, the individual that caused the wound. Ask yourself ,what were the triggers that were involved in this trauma? Why did this trauma occur? Was I looking for a particular outcome? Many times it's easy to blame ourselves for the events in life that we can not control or maybe we could have controlled them. Whatever the case may be, in order to move forward, one must open up about the unfavorable situation . For example: talk about the pain, journal and or pray about it.
Face the trauma; once you realize what caused the pain, never repeat the same patterns and/or walk away from those people that caused you the pain. Do try to change your past toxic self that caused the pain. Be the type of person in life that you want to attract. Remember, we are who we attract . Make sure your positive charge is on daily and live in the now , because later is too far away.
Christa Matthews (still healing)